Thursday, August 22, 2013

Slow Week, Interview, My Industry?

I didn't realize until yesterday that I haven't updated in a while! Things have been much quieter lately, for better or worse.

Last Thursday, I helped out showing off Organic Panic at Sandbox Strategies, a video game PR/marketing firm. Admittedly, I had to force myself to mentally check in. Networking can already be tiring on its own. Schmoozing and trying to get press interested is a lot like that -- except more stressful. Higher stakes perhaps...? It's made me realize how much more comfortable I am meeting game devs. But! Growth occurs outside your comfort zone, right? As night went on, I felt better. In the end, I had fun.

In other news, I have a job interview this Friday (!). The waiting has made me anxious. Hopefully the next time I post, it will be about how awesome it went and how I have a lot of good feelings about it. I applied to this place a while back. Late May or early June. It's the last "loose end" after I decided I wouldn't apply to any other jobs. I turned down that QA Tester position in June to see where this path would lead. It was a gamble. Even if it doesn't pan out though, I don't have any regrets. Sometimes when one door closes, you're stuck for a period of time in which nothing else opens. The nice thing though is that while you're waiting, you have the freedom to knock on other doors. And you really never know who or what will answer.

A few days ago, it occurred to me that the game industry has become my industry. That was a strange thought. It still is a strange thought. Like working towards any dream, your mind can become so focused on your end goal that you can forget how far you've come.

Here's to hoping for a more interesting post next time! Ha!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Swampy Week: Kickstarter Success + Misc

We reached our $40K goal for Organic Panic's Kickstarter on Thursday! The date was 8/8, by the way! Which make sense because luck really was on our side. We were at 63% (~$25K) with less than two and a half days left (!). 528 backers pledged within the last three days. It really does feel like the stars and planets aligned. Three big things really made it happen: an unprompted shout out by 5 Lives Studios to their 15K Kickstarter backers for Satellite Reign, a Polygon article, and a Reddit Ask-Me-Anything. Weird to think how things can turn out. On Sunday, we were talking about what we'd do if the Kickstarter didn't make it. On Monday, we had a whopping 12 backers (!). Everything else started happening on Tuesday. So, all that to say that, miracles can happen!

I've been so exhausted this week. Mostly from being busy with the Kickstarter. You'd think that afterwards we'd be able to relax. Nope! Still had tons of stuff to do -- posting to social media, editing the update to our backers, emailing press, thanking press that covered us. I just wanted to celebrate with sleep.

Kickstarter aside, I still had other things I needed to prep for too. My phone screening for the community manager position was yesterday. I don't have a single negative thing to say about this company. For the time being though, I'd rather not name them. (Don't ask me why. It's just an irrational impulse of just-in-case, even though I'm not really sure of just-in-case what.) Anyway, it was just a screening with their HR department to schedule an in-person interview and possibly talk about salary expectations. I hate talking about money, so I left it at "negotiable". They were 20 mins late in calling me, which made me nervous. Not about their company, but just the anxiety of waiting. But it went well. The recruiter was super friendly and open, and he answered all of my questions about the company, etc. I have yet to write back and schedule an interview. (Eeps! Need to do that!) But I'm excited to see where this goes.

The other thing I had to do after the Kickstarter was prep for a meeting with the Ruby RPG group I've been "working" with. I say "working" in quotes because I've been so focused on other things that I hadn't done anything at all for them for this past month (!). It's funny to think that my life is at a point where "work" involves playing a game. Haha! That was the prep I had to do. I had to play the first build of our RPG and give feedback. Not hard at all. Like usual, I had two weeks to do it, but didn't do it until two hours before the meeting. The meeting went well though. I'm glad I got to touch base with them. As for the project, we originally wanted to release something by December. Now we're talking about releasing a demo by December instead. Much more doable at this point. I said I was still for it. Now I just need to get on making those maps I said I'd do!

Speaking of game making, I still haven't finished that GameMaker platformer that I've been super secretive about. Ugh. I'm a shitty friend. Which makes no sense right now because I haven't revealed its purpose. But when I actually do have something semi-playable, I can talk about what it is.

Man! I'm really busy for someone without a full time job!

As you can guess, I haven't gone to any game events this week. It's not that there weren't things going on. The NYC Gamers meetup had an indie demo night on Monday and IGDA NJ had their monthly demo night on Tuesday. But I was just too swamped. Not to mention any free time I did have, I just wanted to rest.

The good news is that I finally got to sleep to my heart's content last night. Ha! I just remembered that there's also the Killer Queen Tournament and Livestream at the NYU Game Center tonight. I'll most likely skip out on that too. I just want to spend today lazing. Maybe even play a game or two!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Community Management Calling...?

I mentioned last time that I've jumped on board Organic Panic's social media (e.g. Facebook and Twitter). We're in the last 28 hours of our Kickstarter campaign! Last night, we were all up until 4am (!) on Reddit. For a while I was live tweeting the thread. By 3am though, in anticipation of sleeping, I started scheduling today's Facebook posts.

It's been incredibly fun thinking of new posts and trying to find ways to keep people upbeat and engaged. I don't know what it is. Probably the human interaction...? I've always enjoyed the community management I've done for GoPrezzo too. It's strange to think that a job that never crossed my mind as something I'd want to do turns out to be fitting of my personality. I was reading a Gamasutra article on community management and the role of the community manager. It talked about traits of a community manager: "patience, empathy, self-confidence (but not too much), teamwork, management skills, humility, rigor, ability to listen, etc." I like to think those things describe me! :)

Like I said before, I used to think it was a nothing intern position that any college kid could do. In some ways, I would say that's still true. I wouldn't call it mentally taxing and it doesn't require any specific training. If anything, it's more emotionally taxing because you're trying to stay positive while dealing with negativity. But it's been so much fun. I'm not sure how else to phrase it, but in many ways it allows me to be myself. Or at least the self that I always want to be.

Funnily enough, just yesterday, I finally heard back from a company where I applied to be a community manager (!). I'm scheduling a phone interview with them for this coming Friday. Even the past few days doing community management for Organic Panic has given me loads of experience. Here's to hoping the Kickstarter is a success and everything else goes well!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

More Organic Panic, GoPrezzo, NO JOB SEARCH!!

The past two weeks have been generally good. There were a few plunges along the way, but overall I've been keeping afloat. Staying busy has helped. What's key though is that it hasn't been my own intent to consciously stay busy. That rarely ever works for me. Mostly, I've been helping Last Limb promote their Kickstarter for Organic Panic. Because it's time sensitive, I've had to force myself out of my mopey states.

The campaign ends this coming Thurs (!). We're currently at 62% from 744 backers. There's a lot to make up before we hit our goal, but we're doing what we can to spread the word. We've gotten some really good press including a preview in GameInformer, a shout out from Gamers Hell, and a blurb in Critical Indie Gamer. I'm still bothering media people, so the hope is that we'll get some more people to the page. Oh yeah! I almost forgot to mention that Last Limb presented again at the NYC Games Forum demo night on July 23rd. That was a really fun night. We hung out at O'Lunney's afterwards. This past Thurs, Aug 1st, was our preview party at Fontanas. It was a great success! We had a really good turn out which included a number of media people. Here's to hoping it leads to something that will give us the boost we need.

Admittedly, I've been stressed about the campaign. But it's the good kind of stress -- the I-need-to-get-my-butt-into-gear kind of stress. There's still a lot on my list of things to do: post to forums, follow up with media, upload our stuff onto sites with user content. Eeps! I also just started doing a little bit of social media yesterday. Actually, I had a bit of a rant about how our messaging needs to be more positive. In light of that, HERE'S COME POSITIVITY!!

I haven't been up to a whole lot else. My manager at GoPrezzo left the company. It was sudden (to me, at least), but I also wasn't very surprised since she's been working on her own startup for a while. Now I'm the only one who's based in NY! The good news is that GoPrezzo is expanding. I was told that there might be a more concrete position for me down the line. In her goodbye email to me, my manager said I "have a bright future ahead". :)

One thing I haven't mentioned yet is my decision to focus on my health. The job search has been a source of incredible stress, particularly when feelings of guilt, shame, uselessness, and all sorts of BAD came into play. So, I've made a conscious decision to put that on hold for the moment while my brain recoups from grad school and the like. Actually, this decision has made all the difference in my outlook and my mood. I thank one of my best friends for giving me what I've unknowingly been looking for: permission to not search for a job.

To wrap up, LET POSITIVITY WIN THE DAY (and the Kickstarter)!!

Sunday, July 21, 2013

July Update Dump: Molyjam, Job Stuffs, Organic Panic, etc.

Has it really been three weeks since I updated?! In my defense, it's been crazy. And not always in a good way. I'm constantly torn between keeping my blog accurate and wanting to focus on the positive things. Suffice it to say that I've been on a mental/emotional rollercoaster. Every time I think I've gotten off, I'm plummeting downwards on another drop. There are times when the rollercoaster goes up. How long it stays up though is a crapshoot. That said, a lot of good things have happened this month too!

I finally went to my first game jam (!!). Molyjam Duex was held July 5th-7th at the New School Game Club. We made a platformer called Return to Sender. What did I do? Haha! I spent the weekend co-writing the creepy love letters that appear at the top of the screen. We were all working really piecemeal. So I had no sense of what everything would look like until it was put together. In retrospect, there are things in the writing that I would've changed. Still, I had a lot of fun. It was really great working on a team! =D

Earlier this month, I got a job offer as a QA Tester (!!). After a lot of consideration and back and forth and gathering input of all kinds, I turned the position down. This was incredibly difficult because I've been feeling particularly antsy and useless lately. There were a lot of red flags about the company's upper management though. To top it off, the commute would've been a bitch and the pay was meh (i.e. not enough for me to move out). I don't have any regrets about turning it down. The biggest downside is that it means I'm back to the search.

The Universe works in strange ways though. A little after I turned down the QA tester position, I began helping Last Limb promote their Kickstarter campaign for their game Organic Panic. I first saw them demo the game at the NYC Games Forum demo night in March. It's a puzzle platformer with amazing physics effects and super cute characters. I don't normally care for platformers (because nothing in life should be determined by my ability or inability to time a button press), but the puzzle aspect of using the physics and the characters' powers is really fun. (I got to play it the week before last~ nyaha!) Most of what I've been doing to help is reaching out to game news sites and telling them about the Kickstarter. It's not hard, but it's incredibly time consuming looking up the sites' contact info, attaching images to emails, following up on previously ignored emails, etc. Thankfully (!!), we got two articles (YAY!) -- one in GamePolitics and one in Eurogamer -- and a shout out from Blue's News. The press has helped generate some traffic and yield more backers. That's been awesome, but there's still more to do. I only hit the top 50 game news sites. Up next for this weekend is sites 100 to 200. Ugh. It's gonna be fun.

In other work things, I feel compelled to mention how things are going with GoPrezzo. We launched in the UK earlier this month (also YAY!). Admittedly, it's hard for me to find interesting things to say about what I've been doing because it's been very much the same all this time. I post to their Facebook page daily. Every few weeks, I write up a blog post. Every month, I attend the NYC Games Forum demo night (which is this coming Tues, in fact).

One of the more interesting things I can say is that GoPrezzo has introduced me to the world of community management... which I'm finding I really enjoy. I used to think it was a nothing position, just a title given to some social media intern. The more I've learned, the more I've come to realize it's a legit role. I suppose with the importance of social media nowadays, everyone is trying to reach out to their user base. It's not something I ever thought I'd be doing. So I'm pleasantly surprised to find how much I like it. It has its toes in the marketing side of things, but it's less business-y and so much more fun. I recently read a fun Buzzfeed piece on 26 Signs You Work in Social Media.

Phew, this post is getting incredibly long. Wrapping it up, in addition to all the good things, I'm so behind on a number of things. I finally started working on a map for the LinkedIn project that I joined. Previously just called Ruby RPG, the title is Tribe Banished. It's my fault how far behind I am. That's not the only thing I'm far behind on either. I mentioned before that I'm working on a platformer in GameMaker. Ugh. I still need to finish that. Even if it's broken and crappy. I can't say much about what it is at the moment beyond the fact that I really need to finish.

Probably due to my mental/emotional exhaustion, I've skipped out on a lot of events too. I was super psyched about Phoenix Perry's Code Liberation class before. But at this point, I've missed so many classes I'm not sure I'll be able to catch up. In a similar vein, last last week I meant to go to Come Out & Play, a festival on physical games. That Friday, I had something else going on and couldn't make it.

As I started off saying, there've been a lot of good things and some not-so-good things. I try to remind myself that that's just life. It's hard to do that though when my brain gets spacey. I like ending posts by talking about upcoming things, nut there aren't any big things coming up. So, vaguely, here's to hoping the rest of the month/summer/year will be mostly good things!!

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Grossly Behind...

Not much has happened since the update dump I posted on Thurs. There are so many things that I need/want to do, but as the title of this post states I'm grossly behind on everything. I suppose this is more of a confession...? Haha!

I was tasked to design a temple for the Ruby RPG project I got involved in. For no real reason, I've kept putting it off. In a similar vein, the platformer I've been working on in GameMaker is also behind schedule. Ugh! I feel compelled to note that I'm not complaining nor am I trying to push the fault on anyone/anything as I know it's all been me.

Like usual, I've also been slacking on the job applications. It doesn't matter how many times I tell myself that they're inevitable. The whole process depresses me so much that I'd rather not do it and remain jobless. (There's absolutely NO logic in this whatsoever.)

On the upside (!!), I signed up for Molyjam, which is being held next weekend from July 5th to 7th. The New York location is being hosted by Babycastles and the New School Game Club. It will be my first game jam and I'm looking forward to it!

Will update more later.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

G4C Festival, The Job Search, Programming, Bday, The Bell Jar

Another update dump. I've been feeling strange the past two weeks. Will elaborate on that later in the post. A number of things have happened though!

I had an amazing time at the 10th Games For Change Festival last week. Live-tweeting for the event got stressful because I kept having internet connectivity issues and there weren't many outlets for us to charge our devices. That aside, I really enjoyed the talks and had a fun time! It was great to see so many people interested in social impact games. I even had the chance to meet some reps from Amplify Education. The background to this is that they're one of the companies where I've submitted a job application. Not clear where it will go from here, but... fingers crossed.

Speaking of job apps, that's something that I haven't talked about much. Probably because I don't like thinking about it. It's a necessary evil and I can accept that, but it doesn't make the process any less miserable. Perhaps I'm not casting a wide enough net...? As one of my friends said, this is the result of being over-educated. (Humbug!! to that.)

Phoenix Perry's Code Liberation class to teach women C++ game programming also started. The first class went a bit above my head. The pace was too fast without enough explanation in between. The second class (which was yesterday) was much better. I know what objects are! I've also dipped back into Codecademy's JavaScript course. I'm sure it's not a good idea to try to learn two languages simultaneously. BUT, in my defense, some things from Codecademy have already proved useful. (i) I already knew what a modulus % was when we discussed it in class. (ii) C++ cout really confused me in class last week, but making the connection to the JS console.log command helped.

I also learned something about myself in the past week. I don't know why, but it's taken me until now to realize how much I want to learn programming. I suppose it's because I knew it would be quite an undertaking, at least in terms of the proficiency I want to obtain. But feeling frustrated in the Code Liberation class (and at times in the NY Game Makers meetups on Sat) resulted in me saying to myself, "ENOUGH! I WILL LEARN!" I think I'll really love it. Also, I'm just tired of not knowing. I can teach myself!! I'm a big girl now!!

Tues, the day before yesterday, was my 30th birthday! I had an awesome time, even though nothing particularly new or interesting happened. I had a productive morning/afternoon. I FINALLY resubmitted that WIDGET blog post I'd been editing for eternity and even managed to consolidate my loans (!!). In the evening, I went to the NYC Games Forum demo night and shared some cupcakes from Magnolia at the usual post-demo night pub. After that, I met up with the loveliest of ladies for ramen + bubble tea + endless chats. Despite how hard society tries to convince me that I should feel awful about getting "old", I felt pretty damn good! =D

For the most part, I still feel pretty good today. I know it's only been two days, but given how strange I've been feeling the past two weeks... feeling pretty good for two days is a milestone. Recently I've gone from feeling really down to really great and then back to really down and back to really great. At best, it's been tiring. At worst, it's been... much worse. The best way I can describe it is a feeling of extreme detachment. Instead of living your life, you're idly watching it go by without processing what you're seeing. The main character in Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar describes it accurately.
I guess I should have been excited the way most of the other girls were, but I couldn't get myself to react. I felt very still and very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo.
I still can't decide if I'd rather feel sad than feel nothing. Both don't seem right. I suppose at the end of the day though, the choice isn't really mine -- weird as that is. As you might guess, this means I've actually started reading The Bell Jar. It's been on my to-read list for years. I've put it off mostly out of fear. The same way I fear playing Depression Quest. I remind myself though that if anything gets too bad, I can always stop reading/playing.

Oh! I can't believe I almost forgot to mention. I've started doing my writing at the beginning of the day instead of at the end. Thus far, it's proven helpful; I'm less likely to forget and my mind feels much more clear (even with the morning grogginess!). I really like it and intend to keep it up! Funnily enough, it was a Salon advice column response on how to become a writer that inspired me to make the switch to the morning.

That said, time to start the rest of the day!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Games For Change Festival and More Anita Saarkesian Backlash

The 10th Games For Change Festival is next week. So volunteering duties have amped up a bit. I'm super excited about the event. There's going to be lots of famous keynote speakers and some really interesting games for change that I can't wait to play! Like all other volunteering jobs I've done before, the only sad part is that I can't actually go to everything without cloning myself.

E3 is going on this week. There's a lot of buzz about upcoming games, the next gen consoles, etc. What upset me today though is an article in The Daily Dot called Where Anita Sarkeesian goes, sexism follows -- even to E3. To summarize the post, Anita Sarkeesian tweeted about how none of the games revealed at the Xbox One E3 press conference featured a female protagonist... and the backlash, of course, was awful. I had to stop reading her Tumblr post which has screencaps of some of the comments thrown at her because it disgusted me so much. Sometimes I'm torn about reading these things. On the one hand, I want to stay in-the-know and be aware of the issues that are going on. On the other hand though, the degree of negativity (among other things) is simply toxic. I don't know how Anita Sarkeesian has the mental and emotional fortitude to deal with all of this.

To end on a happier note, I'm SO happy to see SO many women involved in the Games For Change Festival -- both on the organizing end and the participant/speaker end. Also on a happy note, Phoenix Perry's Code Liberation course to teach women how to program is coming up next week too. Lots to look forward to!

Monday, June 10, 2013

Volunteering, Animal Crossing, and the Blahs

I'm always torn about posting negative things on here. Even though they are a fact of life, I still wish I can sweep them under the rug as if they never existed. At the same time, they're a pivotal part of your growth and all that jazzy bullshit you tell yourself to make yourself feel better. The short of it is, in addition to feeling burnt out, I've been overcome with the case of the BLAHS. Many of these feelings are tied to the (very depressing) job search process, but it's more than that. It's... things I want to sweep under the rug.

BUT life must go on. And as Captain Awkward says, "Appearances count at work. Sometimes more than the actual work does."

I don't think it only applies to work. It applies to LIFE.

So, moving on and focusing on the positive, I went in to volunteer for Games For Change again this week. Life before, helped out with some editing of the Q&A interviews. It's actually been really fun!

Saturday, I unintentionally went to the Animal Crossing pre-launch event at Nintendo World. Unintentionally, because I really only meant to "drop by" and buy a 3DS bundle and leave. Little did I know, I was in for a 2+ hour wait on line. (Yes, I know. I'm a newb to these things. I NEVER buy things at launch, let alone before launch.) Aside from the waiting, it turned out really fun. They had a bunch of cute/silly activities like coloring a mural, "catching bugs", and "fishing". You won a button for each activity you did. I made sure to collect all four!

The game is super kyoot!! It's interesting to play it now, having learned more about game development since I played the DS version years back. Its charm definitely lies in all the little touches like the way the animals' speech matches up with the text and how each animal has their own personality and "voice".

So, that's it for now. Unfortunately, I have too much "grown-up" stuff to do to really throw myself into the game and forget everything even though I reaaally want to do that. But... c'est la vie!

Monday, June 3, 2013

Writing XP

In terms of events, this week hasn't been particularly happening. (Or maybe it's that I've become more detached...?)

Anyway, the NYC Games Forum monthly demo night was on Tues. It was the same as always. Fun to see the demos. Also fun to hang at the pub for a bit afterwards. Yesterday I attended the New York Game Makers meetup, like always. Unfortunately missed the first session because I just couldn't get out of bed. (More precisely, I couldn't get off a friend's couch.) I spent the afternoon working on the platformer I mentioned last time. Progress has been slow and buggy. As expected.

I already said before that I'm burning out. It's become more apparent each week. I definitely need a break.

The real shining point of this week has been all the writing XP I've gained. I also learned A LOT about myself as a writer.

On Tues, there was a bit of an incident where one of the blog posts I'd written was edited and posted without my having seen the final draft. I was incredibly upset on a number of levels. The first is that I'd never seen the final version. The second is that it was a very heavy edit in which there were whole sentences that weren't even mine. It was as if someone took my ideas and rephrased them into their own words. It bothered me that my name was attached to something that I didn't consider my own work. If you can't tell already, I take a lot of pride in my work. Particularly, my writing. Every period, every comma, every dash. Everything I do in my writing is intentional and meticulously thought through. I read my writing out loud to ensure that every word I put down flows smoothly within its sentence. To illustrate my neuroses further, I even edit my text messages (!!).

For the record, it's not that I'm against my work being edited and revised and it's not that I can't take criticism. I actually welcome criticism of my work because every bit of feedback makes my writing that much stronger. My problem here is that, as stated before, (i) it was posted before I could see it and (ii) it wasn't representative of my style of writing.

I contacted the blog organizer and waited (very impatiently) for a response. To their credit, they were incredibly apologetic and I'm now being given a chance to revise the piece so it can be republished.

All that to say, I learned a number of lessons.

(1) Whenever/wherever your work is involved and may be edited by other people, always ALWAYS ask explicitly about the editing process. This all could have been avoided if I had expressed in advance that the final draft needs my approval.

(2) No matter how upset you are, there is value in maintaining professionalism. I already knew this on a conceptual level, but had yet to use it in practice. I definitely gained some XP in attempting to express my displeasure diplomatically.

(3) Be wary of trying things for the first time if your work involves other people. Let me elaborate. Prior to the posting of my edited piece, I had contacted a friend about a post idea that references his game. Since this was my first time working with this blog (or any blog, really!), I had no idea of the things that could have gone wrong. I'm incredibly thankful that this happened on a post that was just a personal narrative. Had this happened on the piece that references my friend's game, I would've been utterly MORTIFIED! I'm not even joking! I can barely stand the thought of having the edited post go up and then having to contact said friend to explain the situation.

Even though it upset me, the experience has been helpful. I feel like a better writer because of it!

In a related vein, I just reviewed Elisha Miller's Udemy course Writing for the Videogame Industry. It has loads of resources and tips! I'm super excited to have it on hand because it talks about breaking into the game industry as a writer. Now I know that one of the things I need to focus on is writing for my portfolio.

Phew. This post came out much longer than I anticipated. I guess this was a more eventful week than I had previously thought! That said, I have lots to do going forward... which is a good thing! A very good thing!

Monday, May 27, 2013

Slow Week...

This week wasn't particularly eventful game-wise. I suppose part of the reason is because I've become more discerning of the events I'm attending. As I mentioned before, I'm getting burned out. I suppose that's a good sign though. It's a sign that I feel I've learned enough from all this running around.

I do have several projects on though. There's the RPG Maker game that I'm doing with the women from the LinkedIn group. Thus far, it's simply been called Ruby RPG. It seems I'll be doing a bit of level design for the game. That should be exciting! Will also require learning how to use RPG Maker too. Sooo, yay to new skills.

For the moment, I have to put my slot machine game on hold. I'm working on a special side-scrolling 2D platformer in GameMaker. If I sound strangely vague, it's because it's meant to be a secret. It's just a fun little side project that I'm working on with some friends. I'm hoping to have something playable by next week. Most likely it will have placeholder art assets. Either way, we will have something done in two weeks. Like most things, it will be a matter of quality. XD

That's about all I've been up to. The job search continues (of course). Hoping to throw in some more apps this week.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Elation

This isn't related to games or writing, but it's something that's so important to me that I'm compelled to share on here anyway. My graduation was today. Even though I finished my degree in December, it was a lot of fun celebrating my accomplishment with my family! I had such an amazingly awesome time~ and yes, this includes sitting through the boring speeches and waiting for each doctoral student to get up on stage. Besides, it's not every day that you get to wear robes like you're in Harry Potter.

The day started off with my departmental convocation. After that, we went to lunch at one of my favorite pho places. A few stores down from the pho restaurant was a used game shop called Gamer Doc where I randomly picked up a copy of Resident Evil 4. (My sis-in-law says the store name is a sign! XD) Then we headed to the doctoral hooding ceremony -- an event specifically for all doctoral graduates.

It was tiring and cold and kinda hectic and very cold. But throughout the whole thing, I just kept thinking to myself... I did it. I made one of my dreams happen. Through sheer will and perseverance and hard work and lots and lots of blood, sweat, and many many tears...  I turned a pipe dream into a reality.

A reporter for UDaily approached me and asked me some questions for the school newspaper. She asked how I was feeling. And the first word that came to my mind...

Elation.

And disbelief.

Because even when I was close to finishing, even when I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, I still doubted I could make it.

But I did.

All this to say... I've completed one dream.

Now, I will complete another.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

NYU Student Show, NY Game Makers, and Burning Out..............

This week has been quiet. On Thurs (5/16), the NYU Game Center held a student show to celebrate the games made by their first class of MFA students. I stopped by for a bit, chatted with some people, and played a few games.

Yesterday, like every Sat, I went to the NY Game Makers meetup. We learned a little more about coding and Typescript. I spent the remaining time playing around with GameMaker.

We wound up not submitting anything to the Games For Change game design contest. It was just too much to do in too short a time. More importantly, the more I thought about our idea, the more fun it would be to make a game for adults as opposed to teens. So, the plan now is to stick to the general idea (a slot machine game), but make it more ridiculous than we would have otherwise. Looking forward to that!

One very important thing that has been happening is... I'm feeling burnt out. I've had an awesome time and I've met a lot of amazing people. It's been great fun! But things are starting to wear on me. It's particularly tiring meeting a lot of new people in a very short period of time. I knew this would happen eventually, especially when I was attending 1-2 events a week (!!). The good news is that I feel I have a good sense of the game dev scene in NY -- what's going on, who's who, and where's what. From here on, I'm going to be more discerning about the events I'll attend. My plan is to focus more on making my own stuff. That's been the scary leap that I have yet to fully dive into.

There are still a few big things that I'm looking forward to. I'm volunteering for the Games For Change Festival in mid-June. Also starting in mid-June is a programming class for ladies which will be taught by Phoenix Perry.

Wish me luck on my adventures! There are still many to come!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Thoughts on Hakuoki: Demon of the Fleeting Blossom

I finally got to playing Hakuoki: Demon of the Fleeing Blossom on PSP recently. I'm through the first chapter and in a completely unexpected turn of events... I'm actually really bored. First things first, the story. I feel utterly detached from the events that are happening. My knowledge of the Shinsengumi and Japanese history of that era is generally weak; admittedly, that might have something to do with it. Although, I like to think that an engaging story shouldn't require that kind of background knowledge. Pivotal historical events are mentioned and played out in the game, but reading about who is who and who is doing what is always a constant info dump. The localization/translation also feels poorly done. All too often, the phrasing is unnatural and reads more like a direct translation than something an English speaker would actually say. Finally, I'm not sure if it's the story or the genre of visual novels, but I constantly found myself wanting more agentivity, i.e. I wanted to actually play a game. I know that the nature of visual novels is lack of gameplay in the usual sense, but my choices should still be meaningful, i.e. things should change because I chose one path over another. Several times, I backtracked just to see how the story would play out had I chose differently. In these cases, the only difference is who I spoke to. The main events were the same. The art is beautiful; so the game wins in that respect. Honestly though, I'm not that inclined to finish. Will update if I change my mind after getting further into the game.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

NY Game Makers, WIDGET, To the Moon

Since I just posted not too long ago, I don't have a whole lot to share. This past Sat I went to the New York Game Makers meetup led by Jesse Freeman. Had loads of fun planning a game for the Games For Change game design contest. We only have two weeks to complete a prototype (!!), so we tried to keep the idea simple and doable in GameMaker. Sadly, I've been swamped with random things here and there, so I haven't been able to work on that as much as I'd like.

One of the things that swamped me is writing a post for WIDGET, a new tech blog about women in development. I shared my experience about getting over feeling embarrassed of my love for otome games, i.e. games targeted for girls and women, typically with romantic plots. Will post here when that goes live.

I forgot to mention that I started playing Freebird Games' To the Moon, a puzzle game with an emphasis on narrative. The music is beautiful and it's one of the better made RPG Maker games. As a puzzle lover, I actually wish the puzzles were more complex. Most can be completed in 3-5 moves.

That's it for now. The plan for this week is to essentially make a game in GameMaker. Wish me luck!

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Update Dump: Meetups, Different Games, No Quarter, and more!

I haven't updated in over a month (as you can see). It's almost 4am and I'm on a craaazy high which I figure I should just go with. I've been quiet on my blog, but that doesn't mean I haven't been active. A LOT has happened since my last post. Unfortunately, life being life, there were many downs mixed in. I went through a period of incredible frustration and anger. Probably the main reason I didn't feel like posting anymore. That said, I want to focus on the good because it's the good that keeps me motivated. Luckily, there have been many MANY goods! ^_^

I've been to a TON of meetups. And by a TON, I mean nine (!). Spent three Saturdays at the NY Game Makers meetup. Also attended the NYC Games Forum demo nights for March and April. The NYC Games Forum also held a Deep Dive on Crowdfunding and a networking event for their fellowship program. I also went to an HTML5 Games meetup on LuxAhoy, an HTML5 game, and went to part of a Corona SDK meetup.

Since the last post, I also got involved with Different Games, a conference on diversity and inclusivity in games that was held last weekend (April 26-27). My duties included tweeting related articles, carrying boxes of wine, and ushering people to rooms. The only downside is that I missed a lot of the conference because I was volunteering. The upside though is I had an awesome time and met a lot of awesome new people!

The reason for my SUPER high today is the NYU Game Center's No Quarter exhibition. I had a BLAST! I finally got over my silly fear of playing in front of people (ish ^^) and had so much fun! It was really awesome playing all these games. I really liked Split Tree, a co-op puzzle game with one controller, and There Shall Be Lancing, a two-player jousting game. It was also super fun just standing around and chatting!

My work for GoPrezzo has also been good. I've definitely gotten a better feel of the kind of content to post on Facebook and we've been seeing an increase in Likes and engagement. It's still a slow process... but at least it's going! Like growing a tree~ patience is key!

I nearly forgot. I finally finished Mass Effect 2. I don't know why so many people like it over ME1 because I found the overarching story much less compelling. I liked all the new characters and enjoyed it a lot, but on the whole I still like ME1 more. I'm currently stalled a quarter of the way into ME3. So anyone who's about to talk about the ending will still get shushed in my presence. I also randomly played Halo 4 with a friend two weeks ago. I was super surprised to find how minimal it was (i.e. Can I seriously only carry two guns at one time??). Now I know why they're called FPSs; your only real objective is to shoot things.

I want to wrap this post up by looking forward. I haven't talked too much about my own actual game making activities because they're still in the works (But growing! Like the aforementioned tree!). Last week, I got involved with some women from the WIG Jobs LinkedIn group to make a fantasy RPG together. The project is still in its early stages, but we're aiming to have it complete and publishable by December (!!). More immediately, Games For Change is holding a game design contest to create a game that teaches about sex ed. The deadline for submission is May 17th (two weeks!!!). My goal for this contest is to just submit something. No matter how crappy or embarrassing it might be -- at least it will be playable. Another contest held by Jennifer Ann challenges you to create a game that teaches about violence without using violence. The deadline for that contest is June 1st. Sooo, I will (HOPEFULLY) have two playable games by June 1st. Oh yeah! And to top it all off, I'm going to volunteer for the Games For Change Festival in June. It's extra sweet because buying a ticket would've costed half a grand!! (I kid you not, check it now. It's $550 for general admission!!)

Phew! I think that's it. I'm sure I have more to say. But, it's 430am. And I wanna go to the NY Game Makers meetup in... 5.5 hours. XD

Sunday, March 17, 2013

SUPER Game-Filled Week

This past week has been filled with one game event after another. Before I jump into that though, I have to admit that I'm still getting used to putting my opinion "out there". It's still strange to me (as someone who's incredibly private) to post these blog entries. I'm trying to get over that feeling. I keep reminding myself that to be a good writer is to whole-heartedly put yourself into words for the world to see.

Anyway, back to this past week.

Last Sunday was the hackathon held by Games.com and the NY Games Forum meetup. At the last minute, me and Brian (another intern) were asked to represent GoPrezzo at the event since our original rep couldn't make it anymore. We trekked out to the hackathon early in the morning to do just that. It was fun seeing all the demos people created in just 23 hours! (It was supposed to be 24, but they lost an hour because of daylight savings!) We got to choose our favorite game which won our $250 voucher from TekServe. I was stupidly nervous about speaking in front of the crowd. (It's stupid because this coming Friday I'll be presenting a linguistics talk at Nerd Nite NYC in front of ten times as many people and don't quite feel nearly as nervous about that.) But! I did it! I spoke! I gained some XP.

On Monday was the NY Games Forum's Deep Dive session on how to master story telling for games. The presenter was David Kuelz of Awkward Pegasus Studios who I had the pleasure of meeting at one of the previous demo nights. He took Blake Snyder's fifteen beats of a successful screenplay and showed how the stories in games like Mass Effect and Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker fit into the fifteen beats. I really enjoyed his talk and found it helpful in terms of thinking about how to integrate story telling into games.

Wednesday was the first time I attended an event for the HTML5 Games meetup. The event was Making Money with HTML5 Games. Clearly, I don't have an HTML5 game to make money with, but the event was free and I figured I could still learn a thing or two. They had a panel of industry to vets to answer questions. Something I took away from the event: One of the advantages of using HTML5 instead of working natively is that you have more distribution channels immediately available to you. (This was also the first time I heard "native" used in this way. XD)

From this event, I heard about OnGameStart, an HTML5 game conference which was held on Friday. It was an all day event with talks from a variety of HTML5 game devs. Admittedly, I couldn't follow most of it because there was a lot of tech talk that I didn't understand. I still had a good time though. Later in the evening on Friday, I attended a play testing group at the Parsons Game Club for the first time. I met up with Mohini Dutta of Antidote Games and participated in their live action card game. The game involved forming a set of four with other players and lots of shouting (which is always fun). In the end, I had a really awesome time!

My game-filled week was wrapped up yesterday at Jesse Freeman's workshop for the New York Game Makers meetup. We played around with the level editor in ImpactJS. It's a great space to get working on your game while having some guidance at hand. I'm glad I went (despite how DEAD tired I was).

And that was my week. The only days I missed were Tuesday and Thursday... on which there were game events I could've attended but was seriously too exhausted to do so! Unfortunately, next week is kinda slow. Although, I suppose I should get cracking on my Nerd Nite presentation. ^^


Saturday, March 16, 2013

Dys4ia

Finally checked out Anna Anthropy's Dys4ia. I like it conceptually as an experience and I like how the message of feeling awkward is conveyed. Though, I wish the small tasks didn't cut away so quickly. I was looking forward to trying harder to "fit in" and floundering and/or finding out that I couldn't "fit in". Instead, the scenes would cut away before that feeling really sunk in. Overall still a very interesting take on using a game as a form of expression.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Finally focusing on my own stuff!!

I’ve been making a lot of awesome milestones this year… and it’s only been two months! Even though I only report the good things, there have been some slumps here and there. The short of it is that I get into these depressive spells where I feel unaccomplished no matter how much I’ve done. It’s taken me some time to realize that these shitty feels are probably coming from my own lack of production. I talk about how I want to be a writer, but I don’t write nearly enough. Similarly, I talk about how I want to make my own games, but I have yet to do that. To that, I say NO MORE!

Two weeks ago, I got so incredibly sick of hearing myself complain that I resolved to write at least 100 words per day until infinity. My rules are that the writing can be either fiction or a blog post. Whichever it is though, it has to be my own thing. (i.e. Blog posts written for GoPrezzo do not count.) The whole point of keep the word count low is to shame myself into embarrassment if I can’t even find 15 mins to bang out 100 words. I’m proud to say that yesterday was the end of my second week! The lazy days have been under 200. The best day was a bit over 600. That’s 4,121 words I probably wouldn't have written otherwise. Quality is something else that’s left to be desired. In the end though, I’m writing and that’s what counts.

In similar vein, I just came up with an idea for a game! (Yes, while on the plane to Taiwan.) It’s nothing particularly novel, but I’ve been looking for a long time for an idea that’s small enough to complete on my own and that will help me get acquainted with the technical aspects of actually making a game. It’s a mesh of two of my favorite genres: puzzles and visual novels. Let’s see how this goes!

All that to say that, I’m happily still feeling very good!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

NY Game Makers and Shear Panic

I had an amazingly game-filled day today! This is evidenced by the fact that I got barely 3 hours of sleep and am still incredibly WIRED and STOKED. ;D

I attended the NY Game Makers meetup for the first time today. It's a series of workshops taught by Jesse Freeman that focuses on designing and making a game in a month. For the beginner workshop, we learned about sprites and I made my first one today with Aseprite! I'm very proud of how my Tardis came out, especially the first frame. Admittedly, the other frames could use some more work. But not bad for a first try! (The sprite is actually 16x16, but is blown up for blog purposes.)
If you're a doctor, why does your box say "police"?
For the advanced workshop, we played around with Impact's level editor. I made my very first level! As you can tell from the screencap below, it's very shitty and uninteresting. In my defense, I was running late for a party and just wanted to slap something together to see if it would work. For the record, it did!!
Just go straight and don't die!
It was all super fun!! I gained a lot of XP, if I do say so myself! ;)

After the meetup, I went to a board game party and played Shear Panic for the first time. It's a cute and quirky tile-based(-ish) game by MayFair that I really enjoyed, despite the confusing rules.
It's the wrong trousers, Gromit!
I'm a tad too exhausted to go into detail, but I'll leave it at... I wouldn't mind playing it again.

And so ends my game-filled day! I'm super excited about all that I'm learning! Oh~ and I can't believe I forgot. I've also been having fun working on GoPrezzo's Facebook and Pinterest sites! Yesterday I launched my very first giveaway where players can win a Rubik's Cube Alarm Clock.
I'm putting this here just because I still have the image on my desktop. 
Crossing my fingers that it will generate some traffic!

Okies! For real this time, that's all I have to say for now. My flight to Taiwan is on Monday, so it will be a less-game-filled two weeks until I come back. Although, the flight and trip will be a good time to catch up on some of the games I've been meaning to play. ^^

Monday, February 18, 2013

GoPrezzo, IndieCade East, etc...

This is another update dump! It's been a busy week!

Picking up from the last post, I got the community manager internship at GoPrezzo!! They are a casual gaming tournament platform and I've been hired to help them build a community via social media, e.g. facebook, Pinterest, and twitter. This past week was my first week "on the job". (The quotes are to indicate that most of the work is done remotely, i.e. in my pajamas.) What excites me about the position is that they want me to be proactive and creative in helping them think of ways to utilize their social media sites. Much more interesting than gopher tasks and monkey work.

This week, I also volunteered to help out for IndieCade East, an indie games festival which was held this weekend and just ended today. I met a lot of really cool people! Talking to people has made a huge difference in my outlook. Every now and then, I get into these mental slumps where all I can think is WTFFF-am-I-doing??-I-don't-even-know!! But meeting people in the game industry pulls me out (which is a very good thing!).

So there's my brief rundown! I'm ending here because I'm super tired (barely more than 3 hours of sleep last night!) and still have work to do. Will hopefully have more energy to post more soon!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

One year in the making!

This is an overdue update. I completely forgot that Monday was the anniversary of my gaming dream in the making! Now seems like a good time to recap the past year and talk a bit about what I've been up to.

Last year this time, I was still finishing my dissertation. I knew I didn't want to stay in academia, but I didn't know what I wanted to do after. Or more, after having a heart-to-heart conversation with my sister-in-law... I did know what I wanted to do. I was just too afraid to go after it. After some hippie-dippie inner reflection, I realized that I wanted to make own games. It's something that I've always known. But I never took the dream (or myself!) seriously enough to do anything beyond wishful thinking.

After admitting what I wanted to do, I was faced with a very real problem. I knew nothing about the game industry, let alone how to make an actual game. There's still a lot I don't know and still a lot I'm learning. But I'm proud to have gone from nothing to a little bit of something in terms of knowledge.

With enough time on the internet, you can dig up a fair amount of information about any topic that was previously unknown to you. I soon realized that reading was only going to get me so far. For me, it's been a huge accomplishment talking to people and going to events hosted by the New York Gaming Meetup. In December, I went to my first demo night where local developers present their games. January has been more active. New York Gaming Meetup started a Deep Dive series in which the presenter (typically an experienced member of the industry) talks in depth about a specific topic. The first Deep Dive was earlier in January on How to Successfully Pitch Your Game to Publishers and Portals. One thing I took away from this event was: Pitching your game is like writing a grant statement. Be clear. Be succinct. Show what you've done. Show what you will do. Focus on what they can gain from you. The second Deep Dive was How to Master Prototyping Your Game Idea on Paper. This event was particularly fun because we broke into groups and prototyped a game right there. (I even raised my hand and answered two questions! Go me!) What I took away from this event was to not be afraid of just making a game! Even a shitty game. It's just like with writing. I constantly need to remind myself that the iteration/editing process is just as important as the initial creation/writing process. i.e. It doesn't have to be perfect the first time!

I ended the month of January with the January demo night. A woman at the event announced that her company is hiring a community manager to handle their social media sites. (a) I'm proud of myself for having talked to her about the position. (b) I'm proud of myself for having subsequently emailed her about it. (c) I'm proud of myself for having met with her and her company's CEO about the position this past Monday and came out unscathed! (Monday was also exactly one year from the date of that fated conversation about my future with my sister-in-law.) I'm still waiting to hear back from them, which should be later this week. Either way, even if I don't get the position, I'm proud I chased the position as far as I have. Not to mention all the XP I've gained.

Looking ahead, next week is IndieCade East, a conference and exhibition on indie games. Not only am I attending the event, but I've signed up to volunteer and I.AM.STOKED!!

There you have it. Considering that last year I could barely dare to dream about switching career paths and attempt to get into games... I've come a long way. I haven't even rambled about all the personal journeys I've embarked on to get to this place where my head and my goals are clear. All that to say, YAY for Dr. Peng!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

All Loose Ling Ends Have Been Tied

My first post in 2013! I've had plenty of ideas for posts in the past two weeks, but alas, they remain in draft form. So this will have to do. This isn't so much about game development but about my professional goodbye to linguistics.

Loose Ling Thread #1: After submitting my dissertation to the Grad Office in late December, I finally (!) told my advisor my intentions to leave the field. This sounds like nothing, but it was the scariest step of all. Imagine saying to your boss, "You know those 6+ years you've invested in training me? Yeah, it doesn't matter anymore because I change my mind." Our discussion went well and he was incredibly supportive, like he's always been. Thread tied!

Loose Ling Thread #2: The Grad Office kept bouncing back some formatting changes to my dissertation. Last week, I submitted the final edit. The uploaded pdf is now locked and, for better or worse, I can't change anything anymore. Thread tied!

Loose Ling Thread #3: Before the New Year, I emailed the Fulbright commission in Indonesia to let them know that I'm no longer accepting the research grant. I had to fill out a form to formalize the decline. Yes, it took me this long. But finally today, I sent the form in and heard a curt 'Thank you' in return. Thread tied!

It's now completely official! I'm a doctor who turned down a Fulbright grant and who wants to make otome games instead of anything remotely relevant to her degree. All things considered, life is good!