Not much has happened since the update dump I posted on Thurs. There are so many things that I need/want to do, but as the title of this post states I'm grossly behind on everything. I suppose this is more of a confession...? Haha!
I was tasked to design a temple for the Ruby RPG project I got involved in. For no real reason, I've kept putting it off. In a similar vein, the platformer I've been working on in GameMaker is also behind schedule. Ugh! I feel compelled to note that I'm not complaining nor am I trying to push the fault on anyone/anything as I know it's all been me.
Like usual, I've also been slacking on the job applications. It doesn't matter how many times I tell myself that they're inevitable. The whole process depresses me so much that I'd rather not do it and remain jobless. (There's absolutely NO logic in this whatsoever.)
On the upside (!!), I signed up for Molyjam, which is being held next weekend from July 5th to 7th. The New York location is being hosted by Babycastles and the New School Game Club. It will be my first game jam and I'm looking forward to it!
Will update more later.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
G4C Festival, The Job Search, Programming, Bday, The Bell Jar
Another update dump. I've been feeling strange the past two weeks. Will elaborate on that later in the post. A number of things have happened though!
For the most part, I still feel pretty good today. I know it's only been two days, but given how strange I've been feeling the past two weeks... feeling pretty good for two days is a milestone. Recently I've gone from feeling really down to really great and then back to really down and back to really great. At best, it's been tiring. At worst, it's been... much worse. The best way I can describe it is a feeling of extreme detachment. Instead of living your life, you're idly watching it go by without processing what you're seeing. The main character in Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar describes it accurately.
Oh! I can't believe I almost forgot to mention. I've started doing my writing at the beginning of the day instead of at the end. Thus far, it's proven helpful; I'm less likely to forget and my mind feels much more clear (even with the morning grogginess!). I really like it and intend to keep it up! Funnily enough, it was a Salon advice column response on how to become a writer that inspired me to make the switch to the morning.
That said, time to start the rest of the day!
I had an amazing time at the 10th Games For Change Festival last week. Live-tweeting for the event got stressful because I kept having internet connectivity issues and there weren't many outlets for us to charge our devices. That aside, I really enjoyed the talks and had a fun time! It was great to see so many people interested in social impact games. I even had the chance to meet some reps from Amplify Education. The background to this is that they're one of the companies where I've submitted a job application. Not clear where it will go from here, but... fingers crossed.
Speaking of job apps, that's something that I haven't talked about much. Probably because I don't like thinking about it. It's a necessary evil and I can accept that, but it doesn't make the process any less miserable. Perhaps I'm not casting a wide enough net...? As one of my friends said, this is the result of being over-educated. (Humbug!! to that.)
Phoenix Perry's Code Liberation class to teach women C++ game programming also started. The first class went a bit above my head. The pace was too fast without enough explanation in between. The second class (which was yesterday) was much better. I know what objects are! I've also dipped back into Codecademy's JavaScript course. I'm sure it's not a good idea to try to learn two languages simultaneously. BUT, in my defense, some things from Codecademy have already proved useful. (i) I already knew what a modulus % was when we discussed it in class. (ii) C++ cout really confused me in class last week, but making the connection to the JS console.log command helped.
I also learned something about myself in the past week. I don't know why, but it's taken me until now to realize how much I want to learn programming. I suppose it's because I knew it would be quite an undertaking, at least in terms of the proficiency I want to obtain. But feeling frustrated in the Code Liberation class (and at times in the NY Game Makers meetups on Sat) resulted in me saying to myself, "ENOUGH! I WILL LEARN!" I think I'll really love it. Also, I'm just tired of not knowing. I can teach myself!! I'm a big girl now!!
Tues, the day before yesterday, was my 30th birthday! I had an awesome time, even though nothing particularly new or interesting happened. I had a productive morning/afternoon. I FINALLY resubmitted that WIDGET blog post I'd been editing for eternity and even managed to consolidate my loans (!!). In the evening, I went to the NYC Games Forum demo night and shared some cupcakes from Magnolia at the usual post-demo night pub. After that, I met up with the loveliest of ladies for ramen + bubble tea + endless chats. Despite how hard society tries to convince me that I should feel awful about getting "old", I felt pretty damn good! =D
Phoenix Perry's Code Liberation class to teach women C++ game programming also started. The first class went a bit above my head. The pace was too fast without enough explanation in between. The second class (which was yesterday) was much better. I know what objects are! I've also dipped back into Codecademy's JavaScript course. I'm sure it's not a good idea to try to learn two languages simultaneously. BUT, in my defense, some things from Codecademy have already proved useful. (i) I already knew what a modulus % was when we discussed it in class. (ii) C++ cout really confused me in class last week, but making the connection to the JS console.log command helped.
I also learned something about myself in the past week. I don't know why, but it's taken me until now to realize how much I want to learn programming. I suppose it's because I knew it would be quite an undertaking, at least in terms of the proficiency I want to obtain. But feeling frustrated in the Code Liberation class (and at times in the NY Game Makers meetups on Sat) resulted in me saying to myself, "ENOUGH! I WILL LEARN!" I think I'll really love it. Also, I'm just tired of not knowing. I can teach myself!! I'm a big girl now!!
Tues, the day before yesterday, was my 30th birthday! I had an awesome time, even though nothing particularly new or interesting happened. I had a productive morning/afternoon. I FINALLY resubmitted that WIDGET blog post I'd been editing for eternity and even managed to consolidate my loans (!!). In the evening, I went to the NYC Games Forum demo night and shared some cupcakes from Magnolia at the usual post-demo night pub. After that, I met up with the loveliest of ladies for ramen + bubble tea + endless chats. Despite how hard society tries to convince me that I should feel awful about getting "old", I felt pretty damn good! =D
For the most part, I still feel pretty good today. I know it's only been two days, but given how strange I've been feeling the past two weeks... feeling pretty good for two days is a milestone. Recently I've gone from feeling really down to really great and then back to really down and back to really great. At best, it's been tiring. At worst, it's been... much worse. The best way I can describe it is a feeling of extreme detachment. Instead of living your life, you're idly watching it go by without processing what you're seeing. The main character in Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar describes it accurately.
I guess I should have been excited the way most of the other girls were, but I couldn't get myself to react. I felt very still and very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo.I still can't decide if I'd rather feel sad than feel nothing. Both don't seem right. I suppose at the end of the day though, the choice isn't really mine -- weird as that is. As you might guess, this means I've actually started reading The Bell Jar. It's been on my to-read list for years. I've put it off mostly out of fear. The same way I fear playing Depression Quest. I remind myself though that if anything gets too bad, I can always stop reading/playing.
Oh! I can't believe I almost forgot to mention. I've started doing my writing at the beginning of the day instead of at the end. Thus far, it's proven helpful; I'm less likely to forget and my mind feels much more clear (even with the morning grogginess!). I really like it and intend to keep it up! Funnily enough, it was a Salon advice column response on how to become a writer that inspired me to make the switch to the morning.
That said, time to start the rest of the day!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Games For Change Festival and More Anita Saarkesian Backlash
The 10th Games For Change Festival is next week. So volunteering duties have amped up a bit. I'm super excited about the event. There's going to be lots of famous keynote speakers and some really interesting games for change that I can't wait to play! Like all other volunteering jobs I've done before, the only sad part is that I can't actually go to everything without cloning myself.
E3 is going on this week. There's a lot of buzz about upcoming games, the next gen consoles, etc. What upset me today though is an article in The Daily Dot called Where Anita Sarkeesian goes, sexism follows -- even to E3. To summarize the post, Anita Sarkeesian tweeted about how none of the games revealed at the Xbox One E3 press conference featured a female protagonist... and the backlash, of course, was awful. I had to stop reading her Tumblr post which has screencaps of some of the comments thrown at her because it disgusted me so much. Sometimes I'm torn about reading these things. On the one hand, I want to stay in-the-know and be aware of the issues that are going on. On the other hand though, the degree of negativity (among other things) is simply toxic. I don't know how Anita Sarkeesian has the mental and emotional fortitude to deal with all of this.
To end on a happier note, I'm SO happy to see SO many women involved in the Games For Change Festival -- both on the organizing end and the participant/speaker end. Also on a happy note, Phoenix Perry's Code Liberation course to teach women how to program is coming up next week too. Lots to look forward to!
E3 is going on this week. There's a lot of buzz about upcoming games, the next gen consoles, etc. What upset me today though is an article in The Daily Dot called Where Anita Sarkeesian goes, sexism follows -- even to E3. To summarize the post, Anita Sarkeesian tweeted about how none of the games revealed at the Xbox One E3 press conference featured a female protagonist... and the backlash, of course, was awful. I had to stop reading her Tumblr post which has screencaps of some of the comments thrown at her because it disgusted me so much. Sometimes I'm torn about reading these things. On the one hand, I want to stay in-the-know and be aware of the issues that are going on. On the other hand though, the degree of negativity (among other things) is simply toxic. I don't know how Anita Sarkeesian has the mental and emotional fortitude to deal with all of this.
To end on a happier note, I'm SO happy to see SO many women involved in the Games For Change Festival -- both on the organizing end and the participant/speaker end. Also on a happy note, Phoenix Perry's Code Liberation course to teach women how to program is coming up next week too. Lots to look forward to!
Monday, June 10, 2013
Volunteering, Animal Crossing, and the Blahs
I'm always torn about posting negative things on here. Even though they are a fact of life, I still wish I can sweep them under the rug as if they never existed. At the same time, they're a pivotal part of your growth and all that jazzy bullshit you tell yourself to make yourself feel better. The short of it is, in addition to feeling burnt out, I've been overcome with the case of the BLAHS. Many of these feelings are tied to the (very depressing) job search process, but it's more than that. It's... things I want to sweep under the rug.
BUT life must go on. And as Captain Awkward says, "Appearances count at work. Sometimes more than the actual work does."
I don't think it only applies to work. It applies to LIFE.
So, moving on and focusing on the positive, I went in to volunteer for Games For Change again this week. Life before, helped out with some editing of the Q&A interviews. It's actually been really fun!
Saturday, I unintentionally went to the Animal Crossing pre-launch event at Nintendo World. Unintentionally, because I really only meant to "drop by" and buy a 3DS bundle and leave. Little did I know, I was in for a 2+ hour wait on line. (Yes, I know. I'm a newb to these things. I NEVER buy things at launch, let alone before launch.) Aside from the waiting, it turned out really fun. They had a bunch of cute/silly activities like coloring a mural, "catching bugs", and "fishing". You won a button for each activity you did. I made sure to collect all four!
The game is super kyoot!! It's interesting to play it now, having learned more about game development since I played the DS version years back. Its charm definitely lies in all the little touches like the way the animals' speech matches up with the text and how each animal has their own personality and "voice".
So, that's it for now. Unfortunately, I have too much "grown-up" stuff to do to really throw myself into the game and forget everything even though I reaaally want to do that. But... c'est la vie!
Monday, June 3, 2013
Writing XP
In terms of events, this week hasn't been particularly happening. (Or maybe it's that I've become more detached...?)
Anyway, the NYC Games Forum monthly demo night was on Tues. It was the same as always. Fun to see the demos. Also fun to hang at the pub for a bit afterwards. Yesterday I attended the New York Game Makers meetup, like always. Unfortunately missed the first session because I just couldn't get out of bed. (More precisely, I couldn't get off a friend's couch.) I spent the afternoon working on the platformer I mentioned last time. Progress has been slow and buggy. As expected.
I already said before that I'm burning out. It's become more apparent each week. I definitely need a break.
The real shining point of this week has been all the writing XP I've gained. I also learned A LOT about myself as a writer.
On Tues, there was a bit of an incident where one of the blog posts I'd written was edited and posted without my having seen the final draft. I was incredibly upset on a number of levels. The first is that I'd never seen the final version. The second is that it was a very heavy edit in which there were whole sentences that weren't even mine. It was as if someone took my ideas and rephrased them into their own words. It bothered me that my name was attached to something that I didn't consider my own work. If you can't tell already, I take a lot of pride in my work. Particularly, my writing. Every period, every comma, every dash. Everything I do in my writing is intentional and meticulously thought through. I read my writing out loud to ensure that every word I put down flows smoothly within its sentence. To illustrate my neuroses further, I even edit my text messages (!!).
For the record, it's not that I'm against my work being edited and revised and it's not that I can't take criticism. I actually welcome criticism of my work because every bit of feedback makes my writing that much stronger. My problem here is that, as stated before, (i) it was posted before I could see it and (ii) it wasn't representative of my style of writing.
I contacted the blog organizer and waited (very impatiently) for a response. To their credit, they were incredibly apologetic and I'm now being given a chance to revise the piece so it can be republished.
All that to say, I learned a number of lessons.
(1) Whenever/wherever your work is involved and may be edited by other people, always ALWAYS ask explicitly about the editing process. This all could have been avoided if I had expressed in advance that the final draft needs my approval.
(2) No matter how upset you are, there is value in maintaining professionalism. I already knew this on a conceptual level, but had yet to use it in practice. I definitely gained some XP in attempting to express my displeasure diplomatically.
(3) Be wary of trying things for the first time if your work involves other people. Let me elaborate. Prior to the posting of my edited piece, I had contacted a friend about a post idea that references his game. Since this was my first time working with this blog (or any blog, really!), I had no idea of the things that could have gone wrong. I'm incredibly thankful that this happened on a post that was just a personal narrative. Had this happened on the piece that references my friend's game, I would've been utterly MORTIFIED! I'm not even joking! I can barely stand the thought of having the edited post go up and then having to contact said friend to explain the situation.
Even though it upset me, the experience has been helpful. I feel like a better writer because of it!
In a related vein, I just reviewed Elisha Miller's Udemy course Writing for the Videogame Industry. It has loads of resources and tips! I'm super excited to have it on hand because it talks about breaking into the game industry as a writer. Now I know that one of the things I need to focus on is writing for my portfolio.
Phew. This post came out much longer than I anticipated. I guess this was a more eventful week than I had previously thought! That said, I have lots to do going forward... which is a good thing! A very good thing!
Anyway, the NYC Games Forum monthly demo night was on Tues. It was the same as always. Fun to see the demos. Also fun to hang at the pub for a bit afterwards. Yesterday I attended the New York Game Makers meetup, like always. Unfortunately missed the first session because I just couldn't get out of bed. (More precisely, I couldn't get off a friend's couch.) I spent the afternoon working on the platformer I mentioned last time. Progress has been slow and buggy. As expected.
I already said before that I'm burning out. It's become more apparent each week. I definitely need a break.
The real shining point of this week has been all the writing XP I've gained. I also learned A LOT about myself as a writer.
On Tues, there was a bit of an incident where one of the blog posts I'd written was edited and posted without my having seen the final draft. I was incredibly upset on a number of levels. The first is that I'd never seen the final version. The second is that it was a very heavy edit in which there were whole sentences that weren't even mine. It was as if someone took my ideas and rephrased them into their own words. It bothered me that my name was attached to something that I didn't consider my own work. If you can't tell already, I take a lot of pride in my work. Particularly, my writing. Every period, every comma, every dash. Everything I do in my writing is intentional and meticulously thought through. I read my writing out loud to ensure that every word I put down flows smoothly within its sentence. To illustrate my neuroses further, I even edit my text messages (!!).
For the record, it's not that I'm against my work being edited and revised and it's not that I can't take criticism. I actually welcome criticism of my work because every bit of feedback makes my writing that much stronger. My problem here is that, as stated before, (i) it was posted before I could see it and (ii) it wasn't representative of my style of writing.
I contacted the blog organizer and waited (very impatiently) for a response. To their credit, they were incredibly apologetic and I'm now being given a chance to revise the piece so it can be republished.
All that to say, I learned a number of lessons.
(1) Whenever/wherever your work is involved and may be edited by other people, always ALWAYS ask explicitly about the editing process. This all could have been avoided if I had expressed in advance that the final draft needs my approval.
(2) No matter how upset you are, there is value in maintaining professionalism. I already knew this on a conceptual level, but had yet to use it in practice. I definitely gained some XP in attempting to express my displeasure diplomatically.
(3) Be wary of trying things for the first time if your work involves other people. Let me elaborate. Prior to the posting of my edited piece, I had contacted a friend about a post idea that references his game. Since this was my first time working with this blog (or any blog, really!), I had no idea of the things that could have gone wrong. I'm incredibly thankful that this happened on a post that was just a personal narrative. Had this happened on the piece that references my friend's game, I would've been utterly MORTIFIED! I'm not even joking! I can barely stand the thought of having the edited post go up and then having to contact said friend to explain the situation.
Even though it upset me, the experience has been helpful. I feel like a better writer because of it!
In a related vein, I just reviewed Elisha Miller's Udemy course Writing for the Videogame Industry. It has loads of resources and tips! I'm super excited to have it on hand because it talks about breaking into the game industry as a writer. Now I know that one of the things I need to focus on is writing for my portfolio.
Phew. This post came out much longer than I anticipated. I guess this was a more eventful week than I had previously thought! That said, I have lots to do going forward... which is a good thing! A very good thing!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)